


How to Heal a Lightning Scar

by TheCopyMistress



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Genma gets some screen time, Grief/Mourning, He's not emotionally constipated, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Sasuke is a good guy bc I love him too, as much, he's a good friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-02-11 21:53:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12944763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCopyMistress/pseuds/TheCopyMistress
Summary: It was supposed to be a simple mission. They had done this a hundred times before. But he was dead, and she was alone.





	1. In Which the Unspeakable Happens

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I haven't written fanfiction in about 8 years, so I'm just trying to get back into the swing of things! This story popped up after I saw a prompt about gloves, but it evolved into something completely different. The timeline is a little wonky, but hopefully flashbacks/memories are obvious. 
> 
> A couple AU things:  
> -Sasuke has served his penance and is allowed to serve the village again. He's bringing down his barriers slowly and isn't as much of an asshole. I love him, and he deserved a better redemption arc.  
> -Tsunade stays Hokage. I firmly believe that Kakashi shouldn't have been forced behind a desk and that he was miserable, so he just didn't accept the position. He knows he's more useful in the field.
> 
> To be clear: Sakura is 20 in this fic, which puts Kakashi at 34 and Genma at 36. Just for reference. Please enjoy!

Sakura thought it was her anger making her see red, but when the feeling had faded, her world was still stained.

The splatters on the walls were explosive, and she stared blankly at the crushed corpse in front of her. Her ears hadn’t stopped ringing yet, her own screams echoing inside her mind. Unable to hold her weight any longer, her knees buckled and she hit the wooden floors on her hands and knees. Her head hung as she looked down on her splayed fingers digging grooves into the wood, her eyes widening as she took in the slick blood coating the backs of her knuckles, her hands, her wrists.

The black leather of her gloves was shiny, which was odd. They were inside, weren’t they? Sakura’s head shot skyward and sure enough, there was a full moon lighting up the night sky where the ceiling should have been. Another body that she hadn’t noticed before hung on the edge of the roofing, impaled through the stomach on a beam. 

She felt herself trembling as she took in the rest of her surroundings more thoroughly: the large bed that cracked down the middle, the floorboards torn up and splintered, two more bodies that lay unmoving on opposite sides of the room. One was unrecognizable, face swollen and chest cavity caved inwards. The other lay the way it had fallen, sideways, curled in vulnerably, blood still pouring out of a gaping wound in his abdomen. 

His silver hair that used to stick out in all directions now glued together within the crimson pool forming around his body. The Sharingan eye, with no more chakra to consume, had faded to a black darker than his own natural coal grey eye. Beneath the spandex of his mask, Sakura could see the outline of his lips, still parted from his last labored breaths.

She crawled towards Kakashi’s empty body, not even caring as his blood painted her skin and clothes as she sat back on her legs and tenderly brushed the matted locks from his face.

She recalled the countless times he had done the same to her. After a spar, when the shorter strands fell from the ponytail in which she’d tied the rest of her hair, and she’d smile and swear that she’d beat him next time. When he tried talking to her while she fluttered around her lab and he had nothing better to do, mixing this and that to concoct an antidote to Shizune’s newest poison, and he’d put one hand on her shoulder and the other to her hair, gentle words easing her ever-growing frustrations. In his bed, or hers, both of them covered in a thin layer of sweat as he buried himself within her, and she had her eyes closed but she still felt the electricity from his fingertips brushing away tangled locks before his lips crashed down on hers.

Sakura closed his eyes with gentle pressure, glancing back and forth from his familiar eye to the black one she’d never seen, searching desperately for the life she knew was long gone. She removed the hitai-ate he had pushed out of the way for the battle, careful to keep it out of the blood that now surrounded both of them. Reaching around, she also took the little orange book she knew was in his hip pouch and put it, along with his hitai-ate in her own pouch. She pushed her ex-sensei out of his loose fetal position so that he lay on his back and took his now cold hands into her own, pulling off his navy blue gloves. 

Unlike Sakura, Kakashi wore his gloves even when he wasn’t on missions, leaving his palms so much smoother than his calloused fingers. The metal plates were terribly scuffed, but the dyed blue leather had been reliable, soft and pliable from constant use.

As she stared down at him, she felt the knot in her throat tighten painfully and she let out a broken sob. Curling her fist that wasn’t gripping Kakashi’s gloves into his flak vest, she let the events of the night catch up with her as she cried into his unmoving chest. Her head pounded and her chest ached, and she hated herself more than she ever had before.

It was supposed to be a simple mission. They had done this a hundred times before. But he was dead, and she was alone. 

~~~~~~~ 

She didn’t know how long she sat there before ANBU had found them. Her crying had long stopped, but she never lifted her head from Kakashi’s chest, her hands still holding tightly to whatever pieces of him she could. She didn’t even move when the Black Ops shinobi raised their chakra signatures as not to startle her.

“Haruno-san…” one of the ANBU spoke up, a woman by the sound of it. 

Sakura didn’t respond, no, she couldn’t respond. Her throat was too dry and her mind was too numb to even register that someone was speaking to her. A gloved hand placed itself on her shoulder, but she didn’t even flinch.

“Sakura, hey,” said another voice, male this time. She vaguely recognized it in her reverie, and she lifted her head weakly to see the unmasked face of Uchiha Sasuke looking down concernedly at her as he crouched beside her. This rare display of emotion from her old teammate brought a fresh wave of despair down upon her, reducing her to tears once more. “We have to go home now. Let’s bring him home.”

_So weak. How are you still so fucking weak._

It didn’t matter how strong she had gotten physically because here she was crumbling all over again. It didn’t matter how many lives she could save with her medical jutsu, she had failed the one that had become the most important to her. He had gone so quickly that she didn’t even have the chance to try.

The pain she felt now was stronger than any physical wound she had ever received. There was no bleeding to stop, no muscle to ease, no way to ease the crushing pain she felt in her chest. It was so hard for her to concentrate, for she felt lost within herself, disconnected from the outside world and suffocated by her own anguish. 

She heard herself screaming as Sasuke coaxed her off of their former sensei’s corpse, too distraught to even think about using her chakra to break his hold. She was covered in Kakashi’s blood, smearing it on Sasuke’s armor as she beat against it with her fists, and all she could think about was much she wished it was her own instead. She heard Sasuke talking to the other shinobi in the room, something about shock, something about her being erratic and irrational at the moment.

The female ANBU and another man gathered Kakashi into a body bag while the other two members of their unit disposed of the other bodies in the room, piling them into the middle with the intent of just setting the whole place on fire. The last thing Sakura remembered before she drifted off, completely drained, was Sasuke picking her up bridal style and continuing to stare at her, his brows furrowing in worry.

~~~~~~~

When Sakura reached jounin status two years ago at eighteen, she and Kakashi were paired abnormally often. Naruto and Sasuke had moved on to join ANBU together, and she was left behind yet again. She buried herself into her work at the hospital, her missions, her training, _anything_ to distract herself from her inadequacy.

Tsunade formed a few powerhouse jounin teams after the war to aid ANBU in hunting down the hundreds of missing nin that disapproved of the Great Shinobi Alliance. There were dissenters from every village and the Five Great Villages put out the thickest bingo books to date. The Godaime knew her shinobi well, and paired her best medic with the two jounin that she knew cared the least about their well-being during a mission. And so, Haruno Sakura, Hatake Kakashi, and Shiranui Genma were sent off, bringing back or annihilating this rogue and that one for the sake of the Alliance.

One particular mission had the trio masquerading as a troupe of travelling musicians, and there was something about the look in Kakashi’s eyes when she stabbed her flute through a frenzied earth user that made Sakura realize that their relationship had changed.

He was almost impaled himself while he was busy gawking at her, and later, as the pink haired medic healed and berated him, he grabbed her glowing green hands and pulled her into his lap. He then proceeded to yank down his mask and kiss her thoroughly before pulling his mask back up and giving her his signature eye crinkle. She was shocked by the action, then annoyed when she realized she had probably missed the most perfect opportunity ever to see his face.

They kept their evolving relationship under wraps, with Genma, Naruto, and Sasuke as their only confidants. It wasn’t always easy, random ninja seeking both of them out at odd hours for missions or hospital emergencies. However, Kakashi and Sakura both knew that it was far more likely that people just didn’t say anything. They worked too well together to afford being separated, and as long as they didn’t allow the personal to interfere with the professional, no one saw the harm in continuing things the way they were.

~~~~~~~

A cacophony of beeping from various machines greeted Sakura as she woke. Every part of her body was heavy as she willed her eyes to open. For a sweet, blissful second, she looked around for a familiar mop of silver.  It was rare for her to be hospitalized after a mission, but Kakashi had always made it a point to be there when she awoke, whether she lay there for a day or a week.

“You’re exhausted. Just rest.” A tired voice came from her right, and she slowly turned her head to take in the image of a disheveled Genma. His senbon was absent from its place between his lips, and his brown locks were sticking up oddly without his bandana to hide it. “He would’ve killed me if you woke up alone. You’ve been here for three days.”

Three days. He’s been dead for three days.

She tried to speak, but she choked on the dryness in her throat. Genma lifted her head gently and brought a cup of cool water to her lips, and she took small sips before pushing the cup away.

“It’s ok,” she rasped. “You don’t have to stay with me.” The tokubetsu jounin gave her an empty chuckle in response.

“I’m not just doing this for him. You’re my friend too, you know.” He ran his hand through his hair wearily and sighed. “I should’ve been there. I’m so sorry.”

“Gods, no, Genma-”

“No, let me apologize. I was careless on our last mission together, it’s my fault I couldn’t go with you two. I should have been there.”

Too tired to argue, Sakura nodded and accepted his apology. She would give him her opinion on that when she didn’t feel so heavy. She fell asleep to the steady beat of her heart monitor and Genma’s warm hand in her own.


	2. A House No Longer a Home

“You need to eat something, Sakura-chan.” Naruto held the cup of soup to her lips, but the pinkette could only shake her head weakly as she stared blankly at the wall. A week had passed since she returned home and she could finally sit up in bed. The only machines she was attached to were her heart monitor and an IV drip. 

“Sakura, they can’t take the IV out unless you eat.” Sasuke pushed off the wall he was leaning on to sit in the chair on the opposite side of her bed.

The pair spent every day they were in the village in their former teammate’s hospital room, trying to coax her to eat or talk or  _ do anything _ besides stare into space and ruminate on their sensei’s death. Yet every day, their efforts remained futile. Reality had set in, and she no longer wanted to be a part of it.

“Please,” the jinchuuriki was pleading with her at this point. “Just a little, and we’ll stop bothering you about it.” When she failed to respond, he sighed and placed the soup back on her bedside tray before heading to the doorway. Sasuke watched him stalk away, puzzled. Why was he giving up so easily? He had only prodded Sakura for 10 minutes, far less than any other day that week. Naruto paused for a moment before turning around to face her, fury apparent in his usually warm eyes.

“Fine. Die if you want. You two may have not told us much about your relationship or whatever the fuck you two had going on, but Kakashi-sensei would’ve _ hated  _ to see you give up!” The mention of his name made Sakura flinch, but the blond just kept tearing into her. “He would’ve wanted you to live the best life you could, with or without him because he loved you! But you obviously don’t love him. You are disrespecting his memory, Sakura-chan. I can’t stand to see you like this!” Frustrated tears streamed down his face and his hands curled within the black leather of his ANBU gloves.

“That’s enough, Naruto.” Sasuke rubbed a similarly gloved hand over his face before fixing his gaze on his teammate. “She doesn’t need this right now. Let’s just go.” He rose from his chair and placed a comforting hand on Sakura’s shoulder. “We have a mission, but we’ll see you when we get back.” And with that, he strode out of the room, pushing his irate partner before him and finally leaving Sakura alone with her thoughts.

Her eyes hadn’t left that spot on the wall the whole time they were there, but as she pondered over Naruto’s harsh words, she felt the numbness inside give way to grief once again. 

_ You’re a disappointment. You’re weak.  _

Her small frame trembled as she tried to hold back the sobs in her throat, digging her nails into her palms in an attempt to distract herself from the tightening in her chest. Curling up under the thin blanket, she cried herself herself to sleep.

~~~~~~~

Genma came in almost as often as Naruto and Sasuke, sitting by her side and holding her hand, joining her in her silence. Unlike her former team, he didn’t pressure her to heal faster, and she appreciated his quiet support as she knit herself back together. They hadn’t said a word to each other since Sakura had awoken the first time, both too lost in their own heads. 

Still, the senbon user always brought a fresh cup of soup for her, a silent offering for when she was ready. It was another week before she raised her hands towards him in askance, the IV stinging as it shifted in her skin. Genma gave her a small smile as he handed her the cup of clear broth. She took small sips as she savored the warmth seeping into her hands, down her throat. She cleared her throat, catching his attention.

“How did you do it?” Her voice was hardly above a whisper, hoarse from the lack of use over the past two weeks.

“Do what?”

“Live. When she died. How did you live?” She turned her head to look at her remaining teammate, who stared back at her with furrowed brows. She knew she was breaching a sensitive topic, but the question had tumbled out before she had time to think.

“I didn’t… For a while.” Genma pulled off his bandana to run a hand through his brunet locks. They had grown out recently, the tips brushing his shoulders. “I drowned out the pain with missions, alcohol, women… Anything to distract. I pushed away the living because the love of my life was dead. I took so many S-ranked mission, hoping I would just die so I didn’t have to live with myself anymore.” His eyes met hers, and Sakura could see the pain still behind them. “Our circumstances were different, Sakura. I lost Kimiko, and there wasn’t even a body left for me to grieve over. I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through, after having seen that, seen  _ him _ like that… I’m sorry. I can’t tell you how to heal, but I can promise that I’ll be there for you.” 

Sakura gave him a sad smile, no words explaining both her sympathy and gratitude. To the rest of the world, the jounin beside her kept up an air of nonchalance and sometimes downright sleaziness. Like most in their profession, it was easier to pretend nothing affected you rather than accept the reality, than think about everyone you had lost and continue to lose. Easier than constantly being asked if you were alright, if you needed to talk. And yes, Sakura had lost others before she lost Kakashi. They had gone through an entire war after all, with no shortage of casualties. She just never fathomed that he would be the one to go first. He was too strong, too clever. 

Genma composed himself with a sigh, slipping his bandana back over his head before standing and walking towards the door. He smiled at her over his shoulder before he left. “I’ll tell the nurses that you’re eating. We can finally get that stupid needle out of you, yeah?” 

Sakura huffed softly, which was as much of a laugh as she could muster. “Yeah, that sounds like a plan.” 

~~~~~~~

She always felt the worst when the nurses came in, with their smiles and kind words.

“I’m so glad to see you’re feeling better, Sakura-sama!”

“Haruno-san, you’re finally starting to look like yourself again!”

“Wow, you’re really hungry today, Sakura-sama. Did you want another jello cup?”

A fake smile here, an empty laugh there, honestly, anything to get her out of this hellhole of a bed and away from the overly cheery banter. By the time Tsunade finally rolled around to discharge her, she didn’t even have the heart to keep up appearances anymore. She stripped out of her gown and dressed in the fresh clothes Genma had brought her. 

“Sakura, look at me please.” Tsunade’s brows furrowed as she gave her apprentice a thorough look. Her clothes hung loosely from her gaunt frame, the bags under her eyes a deep purple, her hands unsteady as she tugged up the zipper of her qipao. “I’m not going to push you right now. But we’re going to have to talk about this eventually.”

Sakura sighed heavily, shoulders slumping in exhaustion. “Yes, shishou.” With a small bow, she shuffled out of the room, leaving her master alone.

Tsunade wanted to pull her close and hold her and protect her, but that wasn’t what Sakura needed right now. She knew first-hand what this feeling was, the emptiness that came after losing  _ him _ , and there was nothing anyone could do to help her. She had to find her strength again by herself, and coddling her was just going to set her back. She made a mental note to remind Naruto and Sasuke of that.

~~~~~~

They were waiting for her in her apartment. Naruto draped himself across her couch lazily while Sasuke sat in on the floor with his Sharingan ablaze, attempting to decipher a pile of coded scrolls spread out on the coffee table. They hadn’t come to see her since Naruto’s explosion, but it was a small comfort to know that they were still there for her. However, them being there wasn’t what she wanted at the moment.

“Don’t you two have anything better to do?” She dropped her bag next to the coffee table as she passed by before heading into the bathroom. His toothbrush still resided in the cup next to the sink, his razor, his aftershave,  _ him. _ He was still there. She stared at the life he left behind with wide eyes, tears threatening to spill over. All of a sudden, the room was too small, and she lunged for the doorknob, falling out as the door opened and landing on her hands and knees. Naruto shot up from his place on the couch and was at her side in less than half a second, worry tainting his baritone voice with panic.

“Sakura-chan!” She felt his warm hand on her back, rubbing circles as she struggled for air. She clawed at the hardwood, searching for something to ground her. “Teme, what’s wrong with her!?”

She faintly heard the two arguing somewhere around her, but she was hypersensitive to the onslaught of sensations attacking her own body. Her chest hurt, growing tighter every second, and she swore she couldn’t see. There was a high pitched whining that blocked out all other sound, and she folded into a child’s pose, cradling her pounding head in her forearms, gripping at pulling at her hair. It was too much, and _she couldn’t breathe_. 

“Damnit, Naruto, move!” Sasuke’s voice broke into her headspace. The hand rubbing her back disappeared, replaced with two others firmly grasping her shoulders and coaxing her upright so she was sitting on her knees. Her vision cleared to reveal Sasuke kneeling in front of her, black eyes studying her face. He held up a hand, offering her his palm. “You’re alright. I’ve got you. Deep breaths.” She grabbed his hand, trembling violently before inhaling deeply. She held it for a moment before she exhaled, Sasuke’s fingers still interlaced with her own. “That’s it. Keep going.” In, out. In, out. In… Out. She didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but after a while, the ache in her chest eased, her lungs allowing oxygen to permeate her body once again. She squeezed her eyes closed for a moment, her vision clearing as she opened them. She let go of Sasuke’s hand, eyes widening at the now purple marks that intersected his pale knuckles. 

“I’m sorry.” She grabbed his hand to cradle it between her glowing palms, healing the bruises she left on him. “...How did you know?”

He took back his hand to inspect her work before meeting her gaze again. “I used to get them too.” There was a look of understanding in his eyes, and Sakura was grateful.

“Sakura-chan? Are you ok?” She turned her head to look at Naruto, who had retreated a couple feet away from them. He looked scared to approach, like his presence would trigger her again. She nodded subtly, and he grinned in relief, canines gleaming as he relaxed. He plopped down, crossing his legs and scratching the back of his head. “Is it alright if we stay here tonight? To make sure you’re alright?” 

“Sorry, Naruto,” she started gently, “I appreciate your concern, but I’d really like to be alone right now.” There was a pang of guilt as his smile fell. 

“Oh… Alright…” He rose and went into the bathroom, leaving Sakura alone with Sasuke. 

“Thank you.” It wasn’t enough, but it was a start. She wondered how many times he had to experience what she had just gone through. He would’ve been alone, never letting anyone close enough to see any weakness within him.

He grunted in response, back to his usual stoicism, and Sakura rolled her eyes. Naruto emerged from her bathroom and pushed his hands awkwardly into his pockets. With a cock of his head, he beckoned Sasuke towards the door. 

The pair rose and Sakura walked towards Naruto, wrapping her arms around his middle. She felt him smile against her hair as he squeezed her in return. 

“I hid the things in your bathroom,” he murmured to her. “They’re in there, but you don’t have to see them until you’re ready.” Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes at his consideration, and she nodded in response, burying her face into his chest. She tightened her hold on him a final time before letting him go and stepping away. Sasuke was waiting at the door for his teammate, and he nodded at Sakura before stepping out. With a wave, Naruto followed him out, leaving Sakura alone.

She wasn’t ready to face the empty bed in her bedroom that was too large for her alone, so she curled up on the couch, covering herself with the blanket draped across the back. She fell asleep almost instantly, and thankfully, dreamed of nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long wait! This story is difficult for me to write, and I got stuck for a while. Just so we're clear, this isn't SasuSaku whatsoever. He just... He understands. He knows what it's like to be alone, and he tries his best to support his precious people. Thanks for reading, and I'd love comments to know what y'all think so far!


End file.
